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On Self Actualization, Confidence Building, High Self Esteem and Self Improvement

Take This First Step to Overcoming Shyness and Gaining Poise!

Dr. Oladele Akin-Ogundeji
President, Psychology Associates & OD Synergy (www.odsynergy.com)

Understanding what poise is, is an important first step to overcoming shyness or gaining poise.

There are many misconceptions about what poise is. Such misconceptions have hampered many shy people. If you accept the subtle influences around you regarding what poise is you may not go far overcoming shyness.

For example, through the films they watch or the stars they are awed about, many people have allowed themselves to be subtly, but surely, socially induced into accepting a wrong notion of poise. Don’t let this happen to you!

If you are interested in overcoming shyness, gaining poise, or becoming more socially influential, you need to consider the real meaning of poise. This is your first step to overcoming shyness and gaining poise.

A Little Exercise!

Did you really know what poise is? Don't be too sure you did!

Here is a little exercise for starter. Before you read further, take a pen and a note. Jot down three characteristics you believe a well-poised person should possess. Don’t ask anybody around you. Just take, say, five minutes to think and reflect on your personal experience or assumptions regarding what you think a well-poised person is. Do that now…

How many of your three items have to do with the person’s appearance? Now, perhaps, you may want to be a bit more adventurous or venturesome. Ask your relatives, friends, or associates to each write down what they think are three of the characteristics of a well-poised person. How do they rate? Chances are that most of the characteristics they volunteered are about a person’s appearance.

The Nature of Poise

It is important to understand what poise is all about, in real sense. Experience has shown that misconceptions regarding confidence, poise and social influence affect shy people. One area involves how they perceive issues of people's appearance and competencies. Apparently, what people say about such issues or what they see in film or pop stars have affected many of them.

You see, for so long many misconceptions have been bandied around in everyday usage that many people apparently don't know what poise is.

Many people have unknowingly associated poise with people's appearance. Socialization or conditioning has made many to believe wrongly that poise is a matter of the body. This has become such a problem to the extent that many people confuse poise with elegance.

Elegance is a matter of appearance. Poise is beyond appearance. It is important to understand this difference clearly at this point. If you find this to be a hard buy, you are not alone. Understanding this difference and accepting what poise is- in real terms- underpin the basic knowledge you should have in order for you to start overcoming shyness, gaining poise or enhancing your poise level.

Get the Halo Off the Hello

It will be good and much beautiful if an elegant person possesses poise. However, this is not necessarily so. The tendency to see an elegant person to be a poised person is part of the wrong tendency in people perception, called halo effect.

The halo effect, in a layman's parlance, is the tendency to attribute particularly good or positive attributes to an individual based on a single characteristic that they possess which we see as rather alluring or note worthy. However, it can be the obverse. That is, the tendency to associate wrong or negative attributes to a person based on a single characteristic that they possess which we see as not rather alluring or noteworthy.

This is a reason why people tend to perceive the apparently nice-looking bloke or the blonde-haired woman who cheerily greets them along the street or by the swimming pool as a good person or woman. That’s a bonus for the bloke or the blonde-haired woman as they have benefited from the ‘halo effect’.

In real sense, however, poise is more than a matter of the body... the appearance. It is more than the cheery smiles plus hello in the case of the swimming pool bloke or blonde-haired woman.

Poise, is a matter of the heart-and of the mind! Poise has to do with social ease, emotional balance and mental acuity. In a much broader sense, poise has to do with self-mastery and the capacity to be on top of things, particularly under stress and adversities.

If you want to take the pulse of your poise development level or have a quick check on your poise level, consider using a free poise development sampler . Then you'll understand where you need to concentrate upon in your poise development effort, perhaps using better poise development solutions.

Work With This Understanding!

Poise is more about the heart-and the mind-than about the body. It is more of your internal mental and emotional acuity than your appearance. You'll be on your way in overcoming shyness, gaining poise or mastering your perceived personal imperfections, through an appropriate program of poise development if you really understand and accept this difference.

Dr. O. Akin-Ogundeji , is based in Lagos, Nigeria. He holds PhD of the University of London and leads Better Poise , promoting people's capacity to be on top of their world and attain self actualization. He also leads OD Synergy , a team of strategic human resources and organization development consultants in Africa.

You can check your poise development level with a free poise development sampler. Visit better poise builder to learn how you can overcome shyness or gain poise in 3 months.

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